Life can throw some serious curveballs. Sometimes, it feels like we are navigating through a storm, unsure of what lies ahead. I recently found myself in one of those chaotic seasons, and honestly, I was struggling to stay afloat. Between family crises and my own internal battles, it felt like the waves were crashing over me. Through it all, God’s grace has been my anchor and guiding light in the midst of darkness. Allow me to share some of my experiences and how you, too, can discover light.

A Storm on the Horizon

It all started when our son, started to struggle with some serious issues. He wasn’t himself, and it was clear that something was wrong. He was drifting in and out of consciousness, hallucinating, and had a nasty bump on his head. As a result, we found ourselves having to rush him to the emergency room—not just once, but twice. The first time was on Christmas Day. It was a scary experience, and I felt so lost and helpless. I didn’t understand what was happening. I even thought it was some kind of reaction to his medication.

The Rollercoaster of Emotions

To make matters worse, I was also grappling with my own inner struggles. My past abuse was beginning to resurface. It was affecting my thoughts, my desires, and my overall well-being. Plunging deeper into the darkness, I sought to comprehend every facet of my trauma. Understanding it fully became my goal as I yearned for healing. The need to maintain complete control over the situation consumed me. I was attempting to piece everything together, but the deeper I delved, the more lost I felt. Feeling like I was spiraling out of control, confusion and disorientation overwhelmed me. I was unsure of which direction to take.

A Turning Point: Light Breaks Through

Then, one day, as I was reading scripture, everything changed. I was reading from Revelation, and I came across this passage, “I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance… Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet.” (Revelation 2:19-20). This was my “aha” moment. As I read further, and began to explore David Guzik’s commentary, God started to reveal a truth that I desperately needed. I was trying to understand the “depths of satan,” a concept I was not familiar with. In my own misguided way, I was engaging in spiritual warfare.

The Jezebel Spirit: Unmasking Deception

The passage spoke about a “Jezebel Spirit”, which is a powerful form of deception that can lead to sexual immorality. It suddenly became clear that I had been focusing on the broken and damaged parts of myself instead of on the healing and redemption that God offers. Realizing that my approach to healing was entirely misguided, I mistakenly believed I needed to grasp every detail of the abuse—why it occurred and how it impacted me. I wanted to have complete control of my healing, but God showed me that I didn’t have to carry that burden alone.

Discover Light

Surrender Control to God and discover light

This was a huge turning point for me. I realized that I didn’t need to understand everything in order to heal. I realized I could surrender all of that to God, trusting in Him to guide and heal me. As it says in Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Instead of dwelling on the darkness, I chose to embrace the light that God offers. Rather than fixating on every detail of my trauma, I shifted my focus to my desire for God and my love for my wife. I felt a sense of relief and peace wash over me.

discover light: A New Path Forward

I know my journey is far from over, but now I walk a new path, guided by faith, hope, and trust in the Lord. Even amidst struggles and moments of doubt and confusion, I choose to trust in God’s guidance. I now embrace the healthy version of sexuality He intended for me, leaving behind the broken and twisted one I once accepted.

God’s Redemptive Work

Throughout all of this, God’s unwavering faithfulness has been evident. Using the chaos and struggles, He drew me closer to Him. Through scripture, I discovered new truths. Even in my moments of deepest confusion, I received clarity and guidance. He is actively working in my life to bring healing and restoration. I am deeply grateful for His grace and mercy. I know that He is using my story to bring hope and healing to others.

Discover light

If you are in a chaotic season, I want you to know that you are not alone. God is with you, and He is working on your behalf. Here are some steps you might want to consider:

  • Seek God’s guidance: Read your bible, pray, and listen for His voice.
  • Surrender control: Release the need to understand everything and trust in God’s plan for your life.
  • Focus on the light: Instead of dwelling on the darkness, focus on the hope and healing that God offers. Discover light.
  • Share your story: Be open about what you are going through, it will encourage others to do the same.
  • Embrace healing: Allow God to work in your life and bring you to a place of wholeness.

God’s grace is sufficient, no matter how dark things may seem. He is faithful, and He will see you through. Discover light.

What are some ways that you are surrendering control to God, or what is an area in your life where you are needing to surrender more?

Finding Your Way Forward

My journey through chaos has been a testament to the power of faith and the boundless grace of God. If you are seeking to deepen your own faith, perhaps you may want to explore how to Transform Your Faith: Practical Steps to Hear God Speak or discover how to truly Love God With All You Are. Remember that even in our brokenness, we can find beauty and strength through God, much like the message in Broken Yet Beautiful: God’s Power in Your Weakness. God is always ready to guide us from darkness to light.

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